It might be Halloween but there are more frightening things in the White House than imagined ghouls and goblins. The scene opens with a chimera hybrid of Claire and Frank’s face. Frank isn’t clear about the efficacy of such a strategy, but Claire is quick to reiterate the importance of a woman being able to see herself in him.

Stand By Your Man

Claire’s gotta a whole lot of men to sort out in this one. Whilst spewing fear-mongering rhetoric and donning a gas mask for the MTA staff in the case of chemical attack, some Nosey Nancy named Ken informs Claire that one Tim Corbet has disappeared on a river. Viewers will recall Tim was Frank’s gay lover during his time at The Sentinel, and in even for those who don’t remember, loud mouth Ken reminds us.

Loose lips sink ships, and also get folks like Zoe Barnes tossed towards the business end of a speeding subway. As though an allusion to this aforementioned murder, Claire instructs Ken not to “make assumptions” all whilst the whoosh of trains can be heard in the distance. Something tells me Ken is not long for this world.

Ken isn’t the only man Claire’s gotta tell to shut the fuck up. Tom Yates meets up with an old school chum who he used to play in a band with. Let’s say Tom’s probably the sensitive keyboard player? Because he’s been acting Emo AF lately with the whole stealing Claire’s stuff, “just to have it”, and now he talks to the press calling himself a “mouthpiece” for the Democratic VP candidate.

“What were you thinking?” — Tom “Pillow Talk” Yates.

Claire scolds him just enough before getting hot and heavy over the idea of not being careful and calculating. Tom’s domineering in his sexual advances. Juxtaposed with the first time the two bumped uglies where Tom asked explicit permission to do her, his moves now take on the distinct flavour of possession. Claire asks him to stop more than once and the interaction flirts with nonconsensual touch. Tom may not want to think of himself as the First Lady’s pet, but he’s certainly in the doghouse now.

Where There’s Smoke

Frank’s back to his ol’stepping over the threshold of the fourth wall again with his emergency meeting with the Governors he needs to woo in order to enact this Executive Order (aka voter suppression). Thank god this kind of shit only happens on TV. The first aside is filmed in a more surrealistic manner with a freeze put on those congregated the meeting with a subtle nod or smirk emerging on the faces of those he mentions.

His second grand monologue directed to us truly is an explanation of how to properly build a fire. A metaphor for the coming shit storm of reception interference, he’s displaying his cleverness. However, his cool and calm demeanor is interrupted by a pang of grief for his beloved Tim. Every Achilles has his heel.

Seth attempts to use revenge porn to ensure his testimony against Doug is anonymous (he’s still not over the whole Doug trying to suffocate him with glassware). The star of the film doesn’t bite, and informs him he’ll have to testify under his own name. With everyone walking around with miniature porn studios in their pockets, one wonders when the day will come when a video of a person actually having sex (gasp!) is no longer bribery level material.

Seth drowns his sorrows with the sartorial writer Sean Jefferies from The Herald who we know is actually working with Tom Hammerschmidt to take down the current administration. What’s this well dressed dude up to?

Known Unknowns

Kathy has a crisis of conscience over the closing of the borders, because yeah, it’s a fucking batshit thing to do. She implores Donald to resign in protest, but in memory of his beloved Marjorie he’s all like, “BE GONE WICKED LADY!”

Macallan spots the “lady brigade” of NSA auditors and is like, “FUUUUUUCKKKK.” He meets with Frank and LeAnn in the stairwell of darkness and is instructed to delete all evidence of his technological crimes. The twenty-minute window this action requires will cause a mischief level interference with Lord Internet, and Frank doesn’t miss a beat to take this opportunity to blame it all on ICO and terrorism.

“Fuck my gut.” — Jim “I Eat Your Apple” Matthews

Frank’s not the only opportunistic man on the hill. Thwarted former VP Jim Matthews agrees to keep his lips sealed about Frank’s conniving actions to dethrone President Walker in order to get a slagheap cleaned up in his state. There might be more than industrial waste to clean up, after Matthew’s testimony before Congress includes some very hard-hitting questions.

Will Conways has had it up to here with this whole Declaration of War thing and goes ham after seeing soldiers deployed in Washington during this kid’s trick-or-treating. The veteran has some choice words for Underwood, but one can’t help that his reluctance to talk about the events surrounding the awarding of his Purple Heart might bring some ugliness to light.

The carved faces of Claire and Francis are lit in two jack-o-lanterns as they watch their adversary play into their hands. They send off the evening with a nightcap—thick as thieves.

Outside the Oval

Love’s Labour Lost – We hear through the grapevine Remy and Jackie are pulling all the stops to ensure they don’t have to testify. Although I know that in all likelihood something terrible is going to happen to either one or both of them because in HoC WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. But I just hope those two kids are happy.