The thing I really love about True Blood is that it’s not only entertaining, it’s also educational. In this week’s episode ‘If You Love Me,Then Why Am I Dyin’ we learned that entrapment doesn’t count as a defense in Vampire law, Mexico makes the best viagra and virtually any relationship problem can be solved with hypnosis. All valuable lessons that can be applied to our everyday lives.
Picking up right where we left off last week, Sookie and Eric are at the side of the road and Eric can’t seem to remember anything. Sookie cuts him a deal: She’ll help him sort everything out if he promises not to lay finger nor fang to her. Sookie doesn’t know quite what to make of this ‘new’ Eric who is all smiles and apologies, but Pam suspects that the coven is to blame and thinks Bill sent Eric there on purpose. Pam demands that Sookie keep Eric safe until he’s back to normal and Sookie reluctantly agrees.
Eaten up with guilt over having eaten someone other than Hoyt, Jessica goes to Bill for advice because obviously he’s SO GOOD at keeping a girlfriend. Bill tells her that she should be honest with Hoyt because, ‘Imagine how he’d feel finding out from someone else?’ Hmm, I don’t know Bill, how would he feel? Jessica takes Bill’s advice and tells Hoyt the truth, but he doesn’t take it well and tries to punch a hole in the wall. Jessica can’t stand to see Hoyt hurting, so after having done the right thing by being honest with him she then glamours him into forgetting the whole situation. Because everyone knows that a solid relationship is based on two things: trust and mental manipulation.
Sookie pays a visit to her werewolf pal, Alcide (wait… THAT’S his name? Either I purposely forgot or I was too distracted by his rippling muscles to notice that he’s got a name that sounds like a hillbilly’s hair pomade) to seek help with her Eric problem and to scope him out now that she’s newly single. Unfortunately for her he’s back with Debbie, his psycotic Vampire blood addicted ex. Debbie swears she’s cleaned up and tries to make nice with Sookie because what’s a murder attempt between friends, right? Sookie isn’t having any of it and realizing that Alcide can’t help her and is off the market, she takes off. Hmm… Eric is starting to look better and better, isn’t he?
The coven is recovering from Eric’s attack, not realizing that they did more damage to him than he did to them. Just who does he think he is barging in, biting whoever he likes and telling them to stop practicing magic? Someone even pulls out the ‘Reductio ad Hitlerum’ arguement (“what does he think this is, Nazi Germany?” “He did look kinda Aryan.”) Lafayette warns them that he’s not just any vampire, he’s Eric Northman and he’s not to be messed with. Neither is Pam apparently, because she has no qualms about locking poor Lafayette up in her dungeon again in order to find out what happened to Eric. Fortunately Jesus and Tara come to Lafayette’s rescue (how did they know where to find him you ask? When your friend is missing, don’t you automatically strap on a rifle and assume he’s been kidnapped? I know I do). Pam tells them to bring Marnie to her or she’ll personally “eat, fuck and kill” all of them. Oh Pam, charming as always!
Jason is being force-fed Mexican viagra and is only now just realizing that Crystal might not be the girl of his dreams (you think?) and Tommy pisses off Sam by returning to his old ways with his plot to swindle money out of Ms. Fortenberry. Meanwhile there’s a rather clumsily introduced sub-plot involving an evil doll that keeps re-appearing that I’m pretty sure is borrowed from a Goosebumps book. Jessica gives the doll to baby Mikey, much to Arlene’s chagrin. Have an evil doll that you just can’t seem to get rid of? Duh, just give it to your friend’s baby, no harm done! Yet another lesson learned.
To round off the episode Marnie decides that she’s not satisfied with just the occaisonal demon possesion (silly Muggle), she wants to make herself a full-time instrument of evil and sacrifices blood to the powerful spirit who’s been hanging around the coven. GREAT IDEA, MARNIE. Eric does everyone a favour and eats Sookie’s fairy Godmother, which is great because I was getting really sick of her Madonna-like pseudo British accent. Although Sookie doesn’t look too impressed.
Another week’s episode means another week of waiting for more. Until then, I’m going to cash in my Groupon for hypnosis lessons so that I too can have a healthy and successful relationship based on mind control. Thanks, True Blood!