“Steel Bars and Stone Walls” leaps headfirst into the second season of Wynonna Earp with an action packed, quip-infused, sexy premiere episode. Despite the introduction of new characters and missions, we are still left with the echoes of pain and regret, unresolved love stories, and the possible corruption of yet another Earp sister.

Sister, Sister

Willow betrayed her sisters so she could get bo-boned by Bobo and opened a portal to another, darker world. You could say Willow was brainwashed, kept apart from her family since a young age and seduced by conniving Bobo so it was in a way not totally her fault she went to the dark side. Of course this reasoning hasn’t lessened the sting of Wynnona’s choice to kill her own sister.

Will she have to fight another?

Last season’s finale features youngest sister Waverly dip her foot into mysterious and ominous black goo left over from the giant evil worm. The substance makes its way throughout her entire body, blacking out her eyes. She lifts her pistol to her older sister and Doc, and we are left with the sound of a gunshot.

“Not today Satan.” – Wynonna “Queen of the Hair Flip” Earp

We can breathe a sigh of relief — at least for now — Waverly’s aim was not for her kin. Rather, another demonic beast found its way through the portal and that’s what Waverly was trying to extinguish. She and Doc run through the snow-covered woods as the beast pursues them. They escaped unscathed — save for Doc’s hat — with Wynonna using Peacemaker to send the demon back to hell and introduce herself James Bond style.

Cue Jill Andrews!

How Complicated

Wynonna has no time to rest after her sororicide. There’s little previous time to rescue Dolls from his vengeful boss Lucado’s grasp. She ordered him not to go anywhere near the Earp sisters, and by helping them at the portal he’s technically guilty of treason.

Wynonna’s first step to finding him is to figure out where he was sleeping. Apparently, it was a motel in Purgatory where it seems he was not sleeping alone. After breaking into his room, Wynonna is in a full-blown fight with a woman in sexy lingerie. Eliza is her name and she’s Dolls’ partner and perhaps special friend? Like a sessy-lovey-dovey type friend?

“Oh mercy me.” — Doc “Naked Head” Holliday

Eliza joins the team and obviously springs a bone for Doc, but there’s not time for that they have to break into to a top-secret government safe house and rescue their friend without any type of guns or even metallic weapons. Eliza’s got the clearance, so she’ll lead them in and all they need is a dead possum to get them through the door. Eliza’s got mad skills and pops out of an air vent after disengaging a security mechanism.

“I thought you were good in your underwear.” –Wynonna “Dayum” Earp 

“You should see what I can do naked.” – Agent Eliza “Wearslittle”

Plan C

After getting into the facility and then promptly being found out, Wynonna, Eliza, and Doc wait for Waverly’s full Kate Middleton impression to get them out. With a, “stonking big demon head” that’s actually got Peacemaker jammed up it’s face, Waverly sexy librarian’s her way into the Lab that contains many curious and terrifying specimens.

Plan C goes to Option J3 after the dopey lab tech shows Waverly how to unlock all the doors. She whacks him over the head in an attempt to knock him out cold, but all that does is cause him to bleed which lures the creator with the cute nickname, “Bulgarian Devourer of Souls.” Waverly drops the rouse and convinces the terrified technician to help her and her friends. Although she needs no assistance when it comes to the Devourer— as her eyes fill with the black ink she’s somehow able to communicate with the beast, calm it down some how. That is until Wynonna sends it back to hell.

Taming The Beast

Dolls might be headed for a prison where the life expectancy is less than two months, but there are worse things than death. Whatever happened to him – what Black Badge made him — is starting to take hold of him as Lucado eats noodles in front of his cage and blames him for her husband’s death.

Doc left Wynonna behind in order to rescue Dolls. More like forces her to stay behind, for her sake. We don’t know exactly what kind of beast Dolls turns into without his medicine, but what we do know is that once fully transformed we won’t be able to control himself. Doc wants to spare Wynonna from having to kill another person she loves.

“How do you like my moustache now?” — Doc “KABOOM” Holliday 

Dolls is gonna “ka-boom” the shit outta the place if Lucado doesn’t release Dolls, and after insulting his facial hair she’s knocked out for now. Dolls gets his fix and whispers something into Dolls ear. It’s a message for Wynonna—but what? Doc’ll sit on this info for a while I reckon.

Ride or Die

So we thought Lucado was bad, but her boss is even worse. After shooting Eliza straight in the face (there goes a Wynonna-Eliza-Doc love triangle) the mysterious man forces all to sign a contract in blood. The aforementioned agreement consigns all parties involved to rid the Ghost River Triangle of the beasts and ghouls unleashed during the time the portal was open. In exchange, the mysterious man will help Wynonna and her family find and destroy the scattered Revenants in order to break the curse. The lab tech Jeremy gets roped in too.

Once back in her home, Wynonna is finally able to grieve her sister’s passing. That is until a glimmer of light gets her attention. It’s Dolls, AWOL but still alive, who has left her the key necklace she dropped back during the mission. Is this goodbye??

The episode ends with one of the curious monsters back at the Black Badge Lab extending its lengthy fingers out onto the very unstable dynamite and… kablewy! As though a preview, this incident promises us an explosive season.

Out On Ghost River 

Hungry Eyes – The questions stands, Is Waverly’s dark eyes for good or for worse? Haught says she “tastes different” and Waverly herself says she’s “stronger” but what if this mysterious force takes over?

Trouble In Paradise – Haught is obviously upset Waverly didn’t mention her to the nefarious dude making them sign a contract with their own blood- but I can see both sides: Waverly wanted to protect her, Haught wanted to be part of the team.

Back at the Homestead Wynonna asks Doc if he wants to shower, but he lets her be for now. Will they ever bone again?

Xylophobia – Where is Dolls staying? We know he has a fear of the woods, so it can’t be there? I guess it’s not safe for him to stay with the Earps, but I guess we’ll see! Also where does Jeremy go?