Would the Founding Fathers shake their heads at the madness that has become the current US political circus? Frank Underwood gives zero fucks about the original intentions of these paternal figures, giving us a very rushed break down of how the botched election has resulted in a kind of stalemate between the two parties. Now we’re left with the three branches of government having to decide on the next President and Vice President of the United States.
“Meet your new daddy.” — Frank “Papa” Underwood
Frank’s stopped right in his tracks when he spots the war re-enactor who played his great-great-great grandfather back at Spotsylvania and was also featured in his sexual nightmares when he was in his bullet coma. When Frank sees the actor fingering his miniatures Frank calls him by his kin’s name Augustus.
His name is actually Eric and he’s and actor/personal trainer/Underwood superfan. The two discuss the President’s attention to detail of the painted figurines whilst trying not to make out with one another. “I’ve imagined this somehow,” Eric sputters out doe-eyed. The two bro out about the specifics of the Civil War scene and Eric makes another confession that back in Spotz he made up all the deets about Auggie’s grave etc, and Frank lets out a great guffaw. But one detail he does recall is ol’Augustus was found cold dead and heaped onto a body cart where we awoke after a full day and night. His shoes and buttons robbed, he rose from the dead to rejoin his battalion.
I very much call bullshit on this story. Eric’s just makes shit up to embolden Frank by giving him a zombie great-great-great-grandpappy parable. Something else tells me Eric’s gonna be coming back, personal trainer to the President would be a paid position. Also there’s still the gaping hole left behind by Meechum (RIP Meech).
“You have no idea who you’re working for.” — Aidan “Probably Wearing A Panama Hat RN” MacAllan
MacAllan ran away after faking the terrorist threat in Ohio. Leann’s got the fuzz out looking for him considering it was she who brought him into the inner circle. They still can’t find his whereabouts but she does get a call from her ol’ buddy Aidan. He instructs her to get off his tail or else he’s gonna spill the beans on the Underwoods. Leann turns around and uses this threat on Doug who’s all like, “HOW ABOUT YOU GET DÉJÀ VU OF ME TELLING YOU TO FUCK YOURSELF AGAIN LEANN.”
Technology plays a major role with the other possibly President Will Conway, who is introduced to a new therapeutic virtual reality program meant for those who’ve experience trauma in war. His friend Tony hits nerve when he asks if Will’s perhaps a little worked up, to which the twitchy sweaty Will basically almost fights him, “YOU’RE WORKED UP!”
Thankfully Hannah is able to intervene, but she can’t do much for long. Will is a ticking time bomb of anger and possibly PTSD from his time in the war and Hannah’s not too sure he can keep things on lock down before they get into the White House. Their capricious relationship is underscored by resentment and fear. Hannah wants to be First Lady just as much as Will wants to be President.
It’s Not You, It’s Him
Flipism is the ideology wherein decisions are made by the simple flipping of a coin. Fun fact: JFK’s grandfather was sent over from Ireland over his brother by this very process, and if it had gone the other way we may have never had the Kennedys as we know them today. Frank’s beguiled by this process as it pertains to a tie in the Senate when it comes to deciding the future leader of the free world, “It’s elegant as hell. But then again there’s no elegance in politics. Only hell.” Oh geez Frank, you and the words.
A coin isn’t the only thing that’s flipping in this episode. An anti filibuster motion in Congress is essential to preventing the vote from splitting the parties. VP Donald is the one that’s supposed to bring this motion through, but he decides against it. Claire’s like “THE FUCK YOU WILL” and orders him to put the motion through. For the hundredth time Claire is told that all she has to do is wait four years and then it’ll be her time to run for president in four years and it’s not that long a wait and—she finally snaps. After being told again and again that her time is not now, it’s Donald’s reassurance that pushes her over the edge.
“You’re a fool Donald and always were .You and you dumb, dead wife that you never, ever shut up about.” – Claire “I’ve Had It Up To Here” Underwood.
Donald reacts by calling her a “See You Next Tuesday” and it’s time for Claire to regroup. Leann previously brought up the possibility that Claire could very well end up being VP to Will Conway. Her approval rating is higher than Frank’s and it’s even laid out to plain and simple that it’s not that there’s anything wrong with her, she’s just with the wrong man. So does Claire plan on making the move over the #TeamConway in order to maintain her power? Is it time for her to take the reigns?
The episode ends with Claire walking to her bedroom, stopping, and walking back to us. Once again she plays with our emotions, flirting with us through that fourth wall. Is she here to tell us something?
Outside the Oval
Devils In the Details – I can’t say I was super stoked about the cold open of the show. Usually Frank’s asides are thoughtfully paced and freckled with poetry. This monologue, although shot beautifully, felt rushed and expositional as if trying to make up for the 9 week time lapse.
The Dead That Judge Us – Lisa Williams comes outta the wood work to try to find out to her gf Rachel (she dead Doug gon’ killed her). Lisa knows it has something to do with Doug Stamper, but can’t prove it. All the while Sean Jefferies is snooping in on the two and brings this info to Seth.
Speaking of people Doug has killed, he’s still fucking the widow of the man he bumped off the transplant list and it’s about as serious as she pretends he’s the uber driver when he picks her up so her sister-in-law won’t know.
The two fuck like she and her husband used to. They both serve as avatars for another.
Question My Loyalty – Doug’s don’t A LOT for this administration (see above) but Frank wants even more. In a fit of rage Underwood questions Doug’s loyalty. He’s quick to apologize but how much can you kick a dog until it bites back?
For some reason Tom Yates is in New York with another woman–older–as his driver points out. Claire commands the driver to take a live video of Tom and this woman. She watches, a slight twinge in her expression as she sees him lay his hand on this mystery woman’s cheek. She was mad about his writing short stories about her and her mother, that is was a violation of privacy, but obviously this candid camera proves she doesn’t hold herself to this standard.