In the contemporary vernacular of self-care, we often hear people say things like, “make decisions for yourself,” “live for yourself,” “do something nice for yourself.” With the little things, like buying a burrito when you already have dinner in the fridge, the consequences are minimal. You don’t really have to take the realities of others that heavily into account. With everything else, that simply isn’t the case.

If you are in a position of dominance within your society, that privilege affords you not just a greater autonomy over your choices but more shielding from the consequences of those choices. If you are a man. If you are white. If you are cis. If you are straight. If you are wealthy. There are, of course, a lot of intersectional identities that makes this conversation more complex but it is undeniable that your identities and circumstances dictate how expansive your personal freedom can be.

Elena (Alba Rohrwacher) is constantly trying to jostle not just her own desires and responsibilities but also how everyone in her life is responding to them. Responding to her as a writer. As a mother. As a daughter. As a wife. And at every turn she is reminded that her gender is a key construct of how everyone is responding to her. Her mother-in-law Adele (Daria Deflorian) makes this very clear in an illustrative moment where she acknowledges that, while she does agree with Elena in several matters, the unspoken conditions should’ve been clear to her: her support was conditional on her remaining attached to her son. 

Adele’s classism further entrenches the chasm that people so often experience when engaging with the upper classes. She sneers at the idea of her granddaughters being raised in Naples, a city she looks down upon as if it were nothing but filth and whose people she refuses to even acknowledge. Elena is a special case to Adele and nothing more, proof of her vindictive bigotry that the upper classes are indeed capable of transforming a girl from a poor Naples neighborhood into a civilized person.

What she says about Nino (Fabrizio Gifuni) is true to a certain degree. He is someone who – more than anything – wants to be somebody. In making that statement, Adele accidentally proves that a part of her identity rests upon making sure she does her part in maintaining that class hierarchy. Otherwise, she might have to face a world in which, without the trappings of her familial wealth, she hasn’t formed any identity of her own.

So, Elena, as has so often been the case throughout her life, finds herself straddling two worlds at every given turn. One, the world of her Naples neighborhood, where she is tugged by nostalgia but now feels out of place. The other, the world of the upper classes she has married into, in which she will never entirely belong because it’s not in their best interest to accept her. They will never see her as one of them but only, at best, will they tout her moving in those circles as evidence of their beneficence. 

Elena’s separation from Pietro (Pier Giorgio Bellocchio) kicks off this beautiful show’s final season and it is arguably the most forceful act of her life yet. She has never been one to take the doors off the hinges, yet has always written as if she is. As the world changes around her, it’s not lost on Elena that her characters have a more forceful independence than she does. She is forced to ask herself why so much of her life still continues to be dictated by men while she writes and talks about feminine autonomy.

It has always been the case that sometimes the place where we feel most comfortable, most known, is also the place where we feel the most distance, the greatest hurt, the sharpest discomfort. And there is no greater such relationship for Elena than the one she shares with Lila (Irene Maiorino). Their history of care, of conflict, of thorny entanglements that Elena is wary of simply because she already has so many to wade through. The way she can’t help but smile when she sees Lila for the first time in so long, the expressiveness of Lila’s sadness when she reveals Nino’s treachery to Elena. Them being pregnant together, at the same time. The way that, even after Lila tells her that she’s rightfully tired of being the initiator in their communications, Elena can’t help but smile with the depth one possesses when they truly care and love someone else. Lila can’t help but smile back. It’s the most meaningful relationship both of them have, for better and for worse. Perhaps it’s the most meaningful thing we can want from life: someone who truly understands us.

Notes:

– I love this show so much. It has never gotten the flowers it deserves in the States and I hope, if nothing else, that more and more people discover just what a gorgeous piece of artistry this series really is.
– I fell in love with this season at Episode 3 and, no matter who or what occupies the screen at any given time, it is the relationship between Elena and Lila that continues to be the absolute heart of this story. That they can pull this off with every pairing of the characters is an absolute feat.
– The way Elena and the camera are more comfortable with showing queer people existing as a matter of fact of life is one of the more unique ways in which the series conveys a changing world with the passage of time.
– During their confrontation, the way both Elena and Adele are left out of the light streaming through the windows but it is Elena who departs the darkness and steps out into the world outside!!!!
– The way Enzo (Pio Stellaccio) has aged like fine wine!!!
– Dede (Vittoria Cozza) asking Elena why children have their father’s last name when it’s the mother who carries them is another excellent bit of dialogue and character work that illuminates to Elena how rapidly the conversation is changing from where she had first begun engaging in it.
– The casting continues to be an absolute astonishment. Alba is exquisite after embodying Elena physically (she has been narrating the series from the beginning) and Irene is an absolute revelation as Lila. The way she conveys Nino with contempt carries all of Lila up until that moment flawlessly.