OITNB - Don’t Make Me Come Back There

Orange Is the New Black Episode 3.12 Recap

Dayanara Diaz writhes in the physical pain of labour. When her mother Aleida tries to comfort her she tells her to “Get the fuck out.” In a flashback to Daya’s youth we see Aleida planning to send her to a camp for city kids. “I want her to have a better life” she says, “What if that doesn’t include you?” asks her friend; it’s a conundrum her daughter will face years later.

Whether right or wrong, in “Don’t Make Me Come Back There” we see how many try — successfully or not — to do what’s best for those they care for.

Crime and Punishment

Pennsatucky considers going to Caputo to report she’s been (and continues to be) raped by CO Coates given that they marched, “Ol’Pornstache” out of the prison for his conduct with “the one that looks like a goldfish” (Daya). Boo explains the only reason he was held accountable was because she had a “belly full of fetus” and short of this kind of proof there’s no way the powers that be are going to believe them over Ol’Donuts, “We are liars and degenerates and we deserve everything that happens to us.”


So I get fucked, and now I’m screwed?” Tiffany “Pennsatucky” Dogget

Boo takes a page from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and schemes to “rape him back.” She’s stashed away canine sedatives and she and Penn will use them to drug and sodomize the rapist Coates. Now all they have to figure out is the best thing to stick up his butt: a flashlight? Bar of soap? Broomstick?

The vicious rumours about Sophia come to a boiling point when she’s attacked by inmates who accuse her of “pretending to be a female” She’s stripped of her wig along with her dignity as they beat her on the floor of her salon. Green CO Sikowitz happens upon the scene and freezes up, “I’ll go tell Caputo” she says before leaving Sophia at the hands of her attackers.

Sophia sits across from Caputo with a busted face and demands nothing short of justice. The best Caputo can offer her is to have the guards keep a closer eye on her (a.k.a. she’s under constant surveillance with less freedom). She threatens to go to the media with sensational headlines locked and loaded. Caputo tries his typical don’t-rock-the-boat attitude, but Burset is not having it.


No offense, but fuck you, sir.” Sophia Burset

Soso finds her only friend/counselor Berdie has been put on probation and has no other option than to go to just-take-happy-pills-Healy. “I think maybe you were right” she says weakly, “Which time?” is Healy’s shitty reply. She’s sent to the new prison physician who prescribes her an anti-depressant with side effects like fatigue and compulsive eating.

Soso’s left alone while he goes searching for her file, which gives her just enough time to spot some unguarded pills.

Hand Over Fist


OITNB - Don’t Make Me Come Back There

Piper’s business partner Gerber Guard tells her that he can’t smuggle out her stinky panties anymore. Her cry, “Why does the universe hate me?” is such a privileged-as-fuck thing to say I’m shocked Morello didn’t reach over that cafeteria table and slap her whiny face.

Instead of physical violence, Morello offers Piper some advice about Gerber — that he’s playing her “like a fiddle.” Piper recalls her vaguely insinuated promise of a handjob in exchange for his smuggling services.

Wait… I was going to get a hand job out of this?” Baxter “Gerber” Bayley

Piper is ready to “pull-off” this exchange, but is interrupted by Stella who berates Gerber for not taking the opportunity to take advantage of the most exciting things that will happen in his “anti-climax” of a life. He’s quite confused because he wanted to stop simply because it was stressing him out. Stella convinces him to continue on the sole rationale that he should count himself lucky to be part of the enterprise.


Good fortune has fallen to those chosen by a lottery system to attend Red’s new Magic Restaurant. Her plan to make her guests “feel things about corn” they’ve never felt before is spoiled when Black Cindy steals the ear-replaceable (sorry, had to) crop from the garden. Taystee makes her apologize to Red and she offers Poussey as a sommelier for the feast.

Despite the apology, the damage seems ear-eparable (seriously, I can’t stop) until a mystery crate of corn appears in the kitchen. Red quickly figures it was Healy and leaves a love quiche on his desk as a thank-you.

Mommy Dearest

OITNB - Don’t Make Me Come Back There

On the first day of camp, the frightened young Daya doesn’t want her mom to leave. Aleida is curt with her young daughter telling her it’s time for a “vacation” from the little brat.


I’m not freaking about because she needs me. I’m freaking out because I need her.” Maria Ruiz

When Aleida returns to the camp a month later, we see Daya’s flourished during her time there. The bubbly camp leader Stacy shows off Daya’s art—paintings and papier-mâché pieces with a Stacy-esque likeness. Back at home, Aleida pouts asking her daughter if she missed her. “You really wanna be an artist?” she asks after throwing her pieces in the trash. Seeing her mother so upset by her new aspirations Daya responds, “Nah, I wanna be a mom.”

After being approached by Frieda about Watson and her dirty socks, it finally dawns on Taystee — she’s the “mom” of the group. With Vee gone, she’s been the one putting out fires and offering guidance to her posse. And like any other mother, she’s perturbed when Poussey interrupts her in the middle of stories when she comes to her with the news Soso is collapsed in the library with the empty pill packages at her side. Could she be dead?

How you feel is what ruins it. I loved you. I wanted you around me. And now here you are.” Aleida Diaz

Aleida tries to apologize for being a terrible mother to Daya but she doesn’t want to hear it. The conversation is cut short when the pregnant inmate realizes she’s bleeding and is taken away in an ambulance.

Aleida makes a call to Powell who is in the midst of preparing for her adoption of the child. She tells her that Daya’s baby boy was a stillbirth, a cord wrapped around his neck.

But Daya has given birth to a baby girl who is very much alive. Aleida tells Gloria she’s orchestrated to have Daya’s daughter to go live with her boyfriend Cesar and family. For Aleida, being a grandmother might be a chance to do something right… or less shitty anyway. But one can’t help but wonder, is Aleida just repeating the same mistake she made with Daya and summer camp? Or is it better for Daya to know she’ll be a part of her baby’s life?

We see Daya hold her little girl in her arms telling her how much she loves her while CO Maxwell looks on, “My job is so weird.”

To Serve and Protect

OITNB - Don’t Make Me Come Back There

News about Sophia’s threats makes its way to management at MCC. Danny talks to his dad/boss who suggests they just do what they “did in Arizona,” and give her some “time to clear her head.” a.k.a solitary confinement.

Dad/boss explains that MCC’s CEO does not give a fuck about what happens to the inmates, it’s just about the bottom line and that Sophia presents a threat to their yearly bonuses. This grosses Danny out and he invokes his own dead mother into the conversation to persuade his Dad to think twice, “What’d you think of this one ma?”

Boo and Penn get the drugged Coates bent over with his pants down. When push comes to anal rape, Penn can’t do it. “This was your big Swedish idea.” Boo is confused that she wouldn’t want to take her revenge and act on her anger. But Pennsatucky — a once vengeful and furious figure — isn’t mad.

For a woman who was sent to prison because she lost her temper and shot a nurse to death, and over the past three seasons we’ve seen Penn have the teeth literally knocked out of her head, abandoned by her friends, lose her religion, and raped on multiple occasions, it would be understandable she would want revenge. But in her own words, “I don’t have rage. I’m just sad.”

Speaking of sad, after denying that she’s ready for any kind of relationship, Piper holds Stella’s hand during movie night because she sucks at being alone. But this “partnership” is short lived when Stella reveals that’s she’s getting out on Tuesday. “Oh” says the dumbfounded Piper, “Oh.”

Don’t give them the satisfaction of watching you unravel.” Sister Ingalls

Sophia Burset is told she’s being escorted to the Shu, “For her own protection.” You can see the expressions on CO Ford and Donaldson’s faces that they know this is an act of injustice, “You must have pissed off a pretty big dog.”

Willis Earl Beal’s “Too Dry To Cry” plays as Sophia walks with dignity to her new cell. She passes Gloria — arguably the woman responsible for her harassment (although it takes two to tango)—with her head held up high. Only when she’s locked in solitary do we see Sophia Burset dissolve into tears.

Out In The Yard

OITNB - Don’t Make Me Come Back There

The mythological chicken makes another appearance, which leads Caputo and O’Neill to discover the hole in the fence where Chang gets her oranges. This made me think about how little we’ve seen Chang since getting her origin story in “Pretty Hurts.” I want more Chang!

Gloria has described Ramos and Flaca as “Ethel and Lucy without the charm.” We’ve seen more of Flaca this season, but when will we get a Ramos back story? We got a little tidbit this episode when she says she didn’t know she was pregnant until she was at seven months, “I’m not a scientist okay. I was smoking a lot of pot that summer.”

Cal’s wife is starting to get greedy and make faux dirty panties using tuna and blue cheese. When Cal comes across the scene he says, “It’s lie you’re Madame Curie, but stupid.” That line got me.

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