If there’s any episode of House of Cards meant to rid one of the delusion of a fair and equal democracy — it’s this one. The Underwoods positively outdo themselves in their Machiavellian ways. Machiavelli himself would probably be like, “DAYUM, you sneaky!”

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

“I like pound cake, doesn’t mean it’s good for me.” —Tom “The Tub” Hammerschmidt

The White House falls under a hush as the election numbers prove in favour of Will Conway and the Republican Party. The Underwoods remain calm and composed while Doug threatens to fire or kill everyone who gets in his way. The Underwoods’s still have some tricks up their sleeves with the use of one Muhammad Kalabi—the possible terrorist who burned an effigy of Frank. The same Kalabi Kathy alerted the POTUS to not but the say before. As Frank runs a meeting to “protect” the American people from the possible “terror attacks” Kathy looks on knowingly at Frank’s almost transparent manipulation.

Before voting centers in Tennessee and Ohio are shut down, it looks like the team Conway is going to win. Will thanks the turtle necked silver fox Mark Usher for making the ad for them—OOPS. Nope he takes that back, no one involved with the Conways had anything to do with this…Hannah wants a pre-celebratory bang quipping it’s the first time she’s fucked a President and Will’s all like, “GAWD SHUT UP YOU’RE GONNA JINX IT!”

You Still Have Time

It might be the first time Hannah’s fucked a POTUS, but it’s not the first time the Underwood’s have. Frank and Claire prove that—if nothing else—they are steadfast in their resolution that they will win this election.

That’s not to say there aren’t naysayers in their closest circle. Chairman of the DNC Patricia Whittaker takes a moment to let Claire know she should be thinking about the next four years. Four years ‘til the first woman president of the United States she means (sheds single tear).

Tom Yates also wants to figure out a Plan B for his love muffin sharing a plan to go live in a cabin in Maine where the windows don’t work. Yeah, like that’s gonna be something Claire wants. Poor Tom, he’s such a love sick puppy with absolutely no idea the cold hearted and power hungry lioness Claire really is.

Seth goes to the ballroom to boo-hoo about his whole probably-losing-his-job thang, and gets a pep talk from Hammerschimdt that’s part dating/part political advice. Hammy’s new lackey also wants to chat up Seth asking for a quid-pro-quo when it comes to Press Secratery’s ear. Seth’s just fucking tired and is like, “OK whatever, I WANNA NAP.”

One Nation Underwood

“That’s a terrifying proposition.”— Kathy “I Hate You Frank” Durant

Frank calls Will to concede the election while he and Claire smirk nefariously at one another. Will and company celebrate with hugs all around, but Mark Usher doesn’t look convinced—and he shouldn’t be.

Mccallan cowers as Doug threatens him to one more hack to basically ensure the Governor of Ohio gets spooked enough to close his polls. The “violent incident” in Tennessee is still not clear—ICO penetrated the voting station to get some dogs to bark? Written down in plain language it seems like this would never work, and yet, fear is an incredible motivating force, and the prospect of terror will always create a volatile environment.

It’s nice to see Doug and Leann getting along, if just a little bit. After watching Doug do his thing with the Governer of Ohop, Leanne shoots him an approving nod. She tries to have a moment of familiarity with him asking about  déjà vu, but any chumminess dissipates just as quickly as the sensation of tedious familiarity. Doug’s like an older brother who was used to being an only child and now that he has to compete for love from mommy and daddy he’s acting like a dick.

Frank and Claire have more than the two children to consider, as Frank blatantly calls the American citizens children in their own right. It’s their duty to tell them what to think, how to fell, even what to dream. They’re about to make another move and one gets the vibe it’s gonna be a doozy. They call Doug and Leann in.

Outside the Oval

What’s Next? —Tom asks Claire what’s going to happen after they win—if they do. What he has no idea about is the fact that she and Frank have prospects of ultimate control. They look up to the portrait of George Washington—the President who introduced controlled terms—and then two minutes later announce their desire to overturn this nonsense… 2016, 2020, 2024, 2018…

Does Not Compute —McCallan sends Leann a text that “he’s out.” He might also be dead soon.