If you thought where you grew up was weird, it’s nothing compared to Purgatory. The quaint town with free roaming demons and the occasional mermaid poltergeist lives in a constant state of denial about the literal boogey men that run the streets. These folks love where they live and it’s up to people like the Earps and the County Sheriff to make sure things stay in order. But what happens when those who are meant to keep order get disorderly? “Gonna Getcha Good” has some baddies got, but other goodies on the prowl.
Guts and Glory
Doc might be looking a little more modern with the sans hat tight sweater look, but that still doesn’t mean he knows what the fuck hockey is. However, the understanding of the sport isn’t necessary to catch the gist of the murderous scarecrow man who is making the former members of the Purgtory champs rip their own guts out. The first victim relieves himself of his own liver whilst staring at the trophy from his team of ten years before.
Wynonna’s not to hot about whole Homecoming venture given that she was institutionalized because of the whole killing her own father and blaming it on, albeit real, demons. Is it just me or is Wynonna extra fucking salty these days? Not that she doesn’t deserve to have a little time to process shooting her own sister and losing her devil/coworker/would-be-lover. She’s disconnected to the body of the man, even eating while looking at the gory scene. She’s also going full frump, with the biggest sweaters and scarves money can buy.
On the opposite end of the clothing scale, Waverly’s gone pantyless to perform a sexy cheerleader scene for the newly coiffed Haught. Along with her thigh-high boots and push-up bras, Wav’s demon possession — Or is it black goo occupation?— has kicked her libido into high gear.
“Boys will be boys.” — Sheriff “Oh No You DID NOT” Nedlel
Non-consensual upskirtage is caught when Haught catches the town creeper taking photos of young girl’s crotches. He’s the brother of Mercedes, the woman building condos on the old haunted schoolhouse, and he’s a motherfucker. Haught’s basically told she has to let him go by the Sheriff because of who his family is (rich) and she calls out the patriarchy. #WayHaught.
Speaking of hot, one of Purgatory’s alma mater by the name of Perry is a tasty dish I’d order up any day. He asks out the still heart broken Wynonna, but his intentions may not be just to get to her heart. No man-of-the-week scene is complete without a shirtless scene — but this Wynonna Earp so of course he’s also draining a rabbit of its blood.
“Perry marked you with blood? Ugh, that’s so hot.” —Wynonna “Into Dark Guys” Earp
After some confusion about whether or not Perry is incanting the freaky strawman, it comes to light that these fucking meat heads traded their lives for ten years of fun. Youth really is wasted on the young. It’s really super cute to see Perry reverse the spell with his ol’German and face painting, but this is a task left for the professionals. This particular creature has the power of granting wishes, and needs to be contained within a vessel.
Why not just send this thing back to hell? As I guessed last week, Doc’s got another motivation for running his saloon, and is cookin’ up some sweet anti-monster drugs to keep the AWOL Dolls from transforming. However, his buxom mixologist needs blood of a pure demon to create the proper serum.
You Can Never Go Home
Haught’s been looking for some meaning after not being part of the blood contract to kill all the monsters in the surrounding area, but after a run-in with her boss and a little too much scolding for my taste, we finally get to see Haught given some meaning. The Sheriff wants her to take his place some day, but that means getting to know the strangeness that is Purgatory as well as the everydayness of it all.
All seems well and good after they get the monster of the week in the can, and we get a passionless kiss goodbye to Perry. Not all is as it seems. Waverly hasn’t just been trying to fuck her girlfriend in public, eaten lipstick whole, and generally been kind of a weirdo, but it looks like she does a whole switcheroo getting the corn sack faced man from the trophy to a martini shaker, which she takes to the back barn where she is keeping Dolls.
BUT WHHHHYYYYYYY??? Looks like we have to wait ‘til next week.
Out On Ghost River
Breaking The Seal — Wynonna’s been having nightmares about the broken seal under aforementioned schoolhouse and it looks as though this might be the key to unlocking a major mystery the town has yet to unleash.
Nasty Women — I bet it’s got a lot to do with Mercedes and her fucked up family. It looks like she’s def dead after the creepy Victorian ghosts came after her fuck head brother basically wished her dead so he could get his inheritance. Is he controlling them?
Dress Code — I am SUPER excited to see what Haught is going to wear now that she’s been released from the unflattering khakis.
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