No one seems to be quite themselves in this week’s episode of True Blood, ‘Spellbound’. Picking up where we left off last week, Jessica is under the witches’ spell and is about to walk out into the sun to meet her true death. It didn’t even occur to me last week that Ball might have the balls to kill off a character and even though I like Jessica, I secretly wanted to see her go up in flames because it’s pretty cool. Sadly, Jason rescues her just in the nick of time and she rewards him with a make out session. Poor Hoyt! Apparently one kiss turns Jessica from a bad ass vampire into a crippled Southern Belle because Jason starts carrying her everywhere. That must have one hell of a kiss.
Still holed up in the basement, Sookie frees Eric from the silver chains but they leave him badly injured. Sookie agrees to let Eric feed off her if he promises not to lose control. Eric drinks for a moment then stops, telling Sookie to drink some of his blood too “so we will be one”. Sookie then awkwardly makes out with Eric’s hand.
Jessica returns home to a worried Hoyt and promptly breaks up with him, causing Hoyt to cry like a baby/beg like a dog. Jess reacts appropriately by… smashing his head into a counter. She then goes outside and starts talking dirty to Jason who is waiting in the truck. Just when you start hating her for being such a callous bitch, Jessica wakes up in Bill’s basement and it was all a dream. Just a mean, sexy dream.
Jason and Andy Bellefleur gets called in to investigate the death of one of Mrs. Fortenberry’s neighbours who turned out to be a vampire who walked in the sun. Now she’s just a big, bloody puddle on her front lawn and Andy can’t stop drooling over it much to Jason’s disgust. “Jesus, tits and God America, Jason. What’s wrong with me?’ Bill swoops in and hijacks Mrs. Fortenberry’s TV interview and spins the incident as a ‘vampire suicide’.
Meanwhile Sookie and Eric are busy doing… guess what? Yeah, you know what. The ONLY thing they seem to do anymore. Don’t they get tired? High on V, they hallucinate and see a giant bed in a snowy forest. ‘Can we make love in it?’ Eric asks in a sex-zombie voice. If anyone said ‘no’, would that stop you from trying?
Marnie/Antonia & Tara see Bill on the news trying to glamour the masses. Wait, witches watch the news? Doesn’t she have a crystal ball for that? Antonia is disgusted that vampires now live openly and sees it as just another reason why they need to be eliminated and Tara agrees. Bill calls for Antonia, (witches use phones? Worst. Witch. Ever.) and tries to make peace. They agree to meet in the cemetery at midnight. DUN DUN DUNNNNN…
Marcus addresses the wolf pack about the vampire/witch war and advises members to stay the hell out of it because ‘those dead fuckers are hardcore’. When Alcide breaks up a fight between some of the members, Marcus is impressed and tells him that there’s room for him to move up in the pack. Debbie is thrilled but Alcide, not so much. Debbie makes him promise to stay away from Sookie… again.
Sam tells Luna about how Tommy killed their parents and became a skin walker. ‘I can forgive him for killing our parents, but not for hurting you.’ That’s romantic in a messed up way, right? Luna decides to give Sam another chance. Meanwhile Tommy transforms into Mrs. Fortenberry and sells her house out from under her, keeping the profits for himself. Is it just me, or is the most entertaining thing about Tommy’s character watching other people play him?
Jessica returns home to Hoyt for real this time and breaks the news. He’s a little less broken up about it than he was in the dream, in fact, he’s kind of being a raging dick. He kicks her out and says he deserves someone better – someone who isn’t dead. Okay, all sympathy I once felt for Hoyt has now gone out the door. Jessica runs to Jason for comfort, but he feels too guilty about betraying his best friend Hoyt and he kicks her out as well. Ouch.
Eric and Sookie come down from their little V sexcapade and Eric suggests they run away together so that he never has to remember his old life. Sookie tells him that they are obligated to stand by their king. Anyone else finding the new ‘devoted lover’ version of Eric a tad creepy? He keeps uttering these empty, wooden endearments that sound like they came from a dollar store Valentine’s card. Eric and Sookie offer Bill their services in his fight against the witches and after an impassioned speech from Sookie, he relents despite not wanting her to get hurt.
Lafayette is still not only seeing Mikey’s ghost friend everywhere, but he’s also dreaming about her and eventually gets possessed by her. Turns out that she’s still not over her white employer knocking her up and then killing her baby. Yeah, I guess that would sting for a while. The spirit enters Lafayette’s body and plucks Mikey from his crib in the middle of the night while his parents are asleep.
Turns out that the wolfpack leader Marcus also happens to be Luna’s ex-husband and he’s not happy to see Sam there. HOLD ON – In what universe would a greasy, long haired doofus land a hot, classy lady like that? Ugh, never mind. TV land, that’s where. Luna tells Marcus to beat it and he backs down – for now.
Bill and Antonia meet in the cemetery and both bring reinforcements. Antonia is powerful, but she’s being backed by a bunch of Birkenstock wearing mortals and Bill’s got a blood thirsty vamps on his side so I’m putting my money on them. Bill makes her an offer: no one will harm her again on punishment of death if she lifts the spells she put on Eric and Pam. Sookie warns Bill that the witch is casting a spell in her head and all hell breaks lose. Guns are pulled, hearts get ripped out (who’s was it? It happened so fast I honestly couldn’t tell), all that exciting stuff.
Alcide joins in the fray having already broken his promise to Debbie and gone looking for Sookie. Things take a turn for the worse when Bill gets captured, Sookie gets shot in stomach and the witch casts a spell and takes control of Eric. Hey, at least if Eric goes to the dark side that means we won’t have to listen to him coo at Sookie for another episode. Alcide scoops Sookie up and carries her off, not realizing that Debbie has followed him there and witnessed the whole thing. What’s worse, the wrath of a witch or of a crazy bitch scorned? I guess we’ll find out next week!